12:00 Scare

    

So, last night kids went down after eating a new recipe of cabbage rolls cooked in the crock pot, a fun bath together, and cuddles and stories.  I was enjoying a little "Bachelor," Brent was turning in early because of his 6 am run, and basically, I was wasting time on the ipad and watching mindless TV (I'm a multitasker). : )  After I finally told myself that I HAD to go to bed, the Sloan alarm goes off at 7am sharp, and it was midnight, I went upstairs and thought I heard Sloan whimpering.  This is quite odd to be honest.  She goes down between 7-8 and sleeps until 7.  If she does wake, it's a brief fuss while she tries to get comfortable again.  We don't go in the room and she doesn't expect us to so it's a great routine.  Well, after watching her on the monitor for a while, I noticed that she sounded hoarse and she would make a face as if she was in pain after each random cough.  I then noticed that she was pulling the chest of her PJ's and I was worried she may have gotten sick in her crib.  Brent and I agreed that I should go to her.  I then noticed that she was trembling after I picked her up and wheezing for breath.
     So, she felt warm, was trembling, was struggling to breathe, and didn't seem to want to stop crying.  I brought her back to our room and watched as she flexed her legs as if each breath was truly a struggle.  We called our on-call pediatrician who asked if Sloan was looking blue, fortunately she was not but since we live maybe 10 minutes from the hospital she recommended we bring her in because it would not be good if she were to stop breathing at home....CLEARLY.  So, we swept Asher out of bed, put shoes on over his full zip up PJ's and were out the door.  Yes, I had on glasses, a zip up fleece, and flannel plaid pants and I couldn't have cared less.  In our anxiousness, Brent turns the wrong way and we take the long way to the hospital.  I could barely let myself release Sloan long enough to place her in her car carrier and I squeezed in between my 2 babies in the back.
     During the short trip, her breathing was slowly getting better.  Brent dropped me off at the ER entrance while he parked, and I got out cuddling my baby girl who now seemed to be breathing fine.  Yes, by the time we walked in the ER she was smiling and waving at nurses behind the counter and she had no fever.  Crazy, crazy night.  Long story short, it seems she had a croup attack.  I had been thinking allergic reaction, asthma, but croup?  They were glad we brought her in but did say that croup is very common and this is the time of year it is likely to hit.  They said she probably cleared up so quickly because the cool night air is what they recommend for croup anyway.  I just had no clue that it could come so quickly and violently even when there are no prior sinus issues.  I've talked to some of my friends today because I want them to be aware of croup.  It can be so scary and I'm sure when we receive the hospital bill we'll also realize it can be costly.  We were given a prescription for a liquid steroid to help with her inflamed airways and told to give her ibuprofen.  I am just so thankful that all is well and our baby girl is breathing much better with the occasional seal cough.  Croup seems to hit at night so now I'll be prepared.  Hopefully, this blog will have some of you prepared as well.  Better yet, I hope you don't have to experience anything like our 12:00 scare.  Just so thankful that baby girl isn't wheezing anymore.  Such a horrible and helpless feeling.          

Oh baby...

Can you believe the beauty of this little girl? 

I can't.  No way.  I could stare at her for hours.  This post is mainly going to be about my baby girl.  I am so in love.  I think daily, "I have a baby."  I try to treasure and hold on to this because it goes so fast!  Sloan is 9 months.  She needs me.  She fits easily on my hip, and I hold her with one arm.  I still provide nourishment to her and she has yet to have an ounce of formula.  While putting her down during her morning nap, afternoon nap, and at bedtime, I get to hold her in my arms as she lies completely still.  It's part of her routine and it's the only time during the day that we truly get to snuggle.  As I pace the room with her head on my chest, her paci in mouth, and a blanket over her, I look in the mirror and see her little feet dangling out from beneath.  Oh how I love this.  Don't they say, it's all about the little things?  Oh baby girl, you melt my heart.

Now, let me get to the part that makes my heart hurt.  The part that I'm struggling with the most these days. Before Sloan joined us, I felt guilt.  On the way to the hospital on April 9, I could not discuss the fact that I was leaving my sweet boy.  The slight mention of it brought tears to my eyes.  Then, at 12:40 am, April 10, I held my sweet daughter.  I did not know this new life, this new little personality, but I loved her.  Our lives had changed so much, so fast.  Then Asher meets his new sister, I was in tears, but all was well.  He kissed her over and over and over.  He then quickly focused his attention on any snacks we had in the hospital room.  We brought Sloan home and all was still well!  He wanted to hold her all the time.  He set out diaper changing supplies without me even asking.  Such a sweet big brother.  He still loves to give her snacks and he was so good at sharing his toys.  

And boy can he make her laugh like no other.

Well, recently things have been changing.  It's gotten to the point where I hear Sloan fuss or start crying and I think, what did he do?  The other day he tried to tickle her neck but kind of choked her and left her screaming.  He's gotten so rough.  I'm having the hardest time feeling like all I do when Sloan is around is fuss at Asher.  I feel that the love that I show to her is so easy.  Even when she's doing something she shouldn't be doing, I speak to her in a sing song voice..."Sloan....what.... are.... you..... doing....?"  And often it's even said with a smile!  Babies are so easy to love.

Let's just say I take a different tone when talking to Asher.  It's not sing song and it's usually loud.  I try to give him positive attention any chance that I can.  He loves Sloan.  He will tell you that in an instant.  So I guess I'm just having trouble understanding why he chooses to make her mad, lay on her, poke her, take things from her, repeatedly close doors on her or in her face even though he knows it always leaves her upset.  I get so frustrated and I feel like a horrible mom at times.  I welcome advice.  I don't see his actions as cruel.  I think they are to be expected.  I just want to know the best way to deal with them.  Is there something that I can do to make him think before acting?  I know he doesn't understand her frailty as he coaxes her to follow him up the stairs.  I just feel like my love for them is so different right now: To her, I am still her provider, nurturer, protector.  To him, I provide, I mold, I teach, I discipline.  From a mother who feels loves equally but differently, can anyone relate? 

On my mind...

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I have been wanting to blog and to be honest, I've been blogging in my head for weeks now.  So many things I've wanted to share, things I think others should be thinking about, I honestly just don't have the time.  Even now, there are other things I should be doing but I've just decided that this is going to be priority (for this nap time at least.) 

     First on my mind....http://www.wltx.com/news/article/165987/2/Man-is-charged-for-DUI-in-Fatal-Crash-Killing-6-year-old

     What a horrible and sad tragedy.  This family goes to my church and were headed there when they were hit by a drunk driver on New Year's Day.  This family was doing exactly what they should have been doing by starting the new year in God's house, praising him.  I actually drove through this intersection today while running errands and I saw the lines painted in the road marking the impact.  I had a discussion with Brent about this drunk driver.  I explained that he's in his 20's and to be drunk on a Sunday morning around 10:20, I'm going to guess he does not have a family or kids of his own.  There is no way he can comprehend what he has done to this family.  I'm sure there is grief and regret but to truly know the impact, I believe you have to be a parent.  Long ago, before Brent and I even had children, I expressed my desire to have a boy AND a girl.  I wanted to experience life with both.  I used to joke after having Asher, "Well, if the next one is a boy, then we'll be having a 3rd....well, if the 3rd is a boy, then we'll be having a 4th."  I'm not sure how many we would have had maybe as many as the Duggars (or how many we still will) but I love children and I love being a mom.  I can't say this is the situation with the Longstreet family but to have 3 boys and then Emma, I can bet they were thrilled to welcome a baby girl.  Not only was the Longstreet's family changed forever but their extended family, their friends, Midway Elementary, Northside Baptist, and even the drunk driver's family.  All of this was caused by the choice to get behind the wheel after consuming too much alcohol.  At a Christmas party, I was talking to a highway patrolman who was saying that I would not believe the number of drivers driving under the influence.  My response to this was, "Oh my goodness, those are only the ones who happen to be pulled over!"  Imagine those who are never caught.  I have no particular reason to bring attention to this tragedy other than to encourage prayer for all of those whose lives have been changed, possibly cause someone to think about the consequences of driving drunk, and encourage a relationship with the Father.  I am so thankful that the Longstreet family knows where Emma is and knows that they will meet again.

Another story that has moved me recently is that of Ben Breedlove and his sister's speech at his funeral.  I know, I know, enough with the sad stuff already but then that's life.  Ben got a glimpse of Heaven and he could not explain the peace that he felt there.  Our life on earth is filled with sadness and I've mentioned before that our preacher has said, "If you aren't in your storm now, one day you will be..."  I daily, and sometimes multiple times daily THANK GOD that all is well in my life.  Of my closest family members and friends, none are currently suffering or fighting a life threatening illness.  I am so blessed right now, but I know this is my earthly life and unfortunately it brings heartache and loss at times.  I know that there is a life after this one.  One of my favorite shows is I Survived: Beyond and Back on the Bio Channel.  We will see Brent's mom, and Asher and Sloan's Mimi, my dad's parents, all of Brent's grandparents, and so many other's who have accepted Christ and gone on before us.  I am comforted to know that when my Storm does come...and it will, that I will not go through it alone.  It will not be easy.  I will need prayers.  But who better to have with me than the God with supernatural powers that can bring supernatural healing.  I pray this for the Longstreet and Breedlove families. 

The Storm, Casting Crowns