Oh baby...

Can you believe the beauty of this little girl? 

I can't.  No way.  I could stare at her for hours.  This post is mainly going to be about my baby girl.  I am so in love.  I think daily, "I have a baby."  I try to treasure and hold on to this because it goes so fast!  Sloan is 9 months.  She needs me.  She fits easily on my hip, and I hold her with one arm.  I still provide nourishment to her and she has yet to have an ounce of formula.  While putting her down during her morning nap, afternoon nap, and at bedtime, I get to hold her in my arms as she lies completely still.  It's part of her routine and it's the only time during the day that we truly get to snuggle.  As I pace the room with her head on my chest, her paci in mouth, and a blanket over her, I look in the mirror and see her little feet dangling out from beneath.  Oh how I love this.  Don't they say, it's all about the little things?  Oh baby girl, you melt my heart.

Now, let me get to the part that makes my heart hurt.  The part that I'm struggling with the most these days. Before Sloan joined us, I felt guilt.  On the way to the hospital on April 9, I could not discuss the fact that I was leaving my sweet boy.  The slight mention of it brought tears to my eyes.  Then, at 12:40 am, April 10, I held my sweet daughter.  I did not know this new life, this new little personality, but I loved her.  Our lives had changed so much, so fast.  Then Asher meets his new sister, I was in tears, but all was well.  He kissed her over and over and over.  He then quickly focused his attention on any snacks we had in the hospital room.  We brought Sloan home and all was still well!  He wanted to hold her all the time.  He set out diaper changing supplies without me even asking.  Such a sweet big brother.  He still loves to give her snacks and he was so good at sharing his toys.  

And boy can he make her laugh like no other.

Well, recently things have been changing.  It's gotten to the point where I hear Sloan fuss or start crying and I think, what did he do?  The other day he tried to tickle her neck but kind of choked her and left her screaming.  He's gotten so rough.  I'm having the hardest time feeling like all I do when Sloan is around is fuss at Asher.  I feel that the love that I show to her is so easy.  Even when she's doing something she shouldn't be doing, I speak to her in a sing song voice..."Sloan....what.... are.... you..... doing....?"  And often it's even said with a smile!  Babies are so easy to love.

Let's just say I take a different tone when talking to Asher.  It's not sing song and it's usually loud.  I try to give him positive attention any chance that I can.  He loves Sloan.  He will tell you that in an instant.  So I guess I'm just having trouble understanding why he chooses to make her mad, lay on her, poke her, take things from her, repeatedly close doors on her or in her face even though he knows it always leaves her upset.  I get so frustrated and I feel like a horrible mom at times.  I welcome advice.  I don't see his actions as cruel.  I think they are to be expected.  I just want to know the best way to deal with them.  Is there something that I can do to make him think before acting?  I know he doesn't understand her frailty as he coaxes her to follow him up the stairs.  I just feel like my love for them is so different right now: To her, I am still her provider, nurturer, protector.  To him, I provide, I mold, I teach, I discipline.  From a mother who feels loves equally but differently, can anyone relate? 

On my mind...

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I have been wanting to blog and to be honest, I've been blogging in my head for weeks now.  So many things I've wanted to share, things I think others should be thinking about, I honestly just don't have the time.  Even now, there are other things I should be doing but I've just decided that this is going to be priority (for this nap time at least.) 

     First on my mind....http://www.wltx.com/news/article/165987/2/Man-is-charged-for-DUI-in-Fatal-Crash-Killing-6-year-old

     What a horrible and sad tragedy.  This family goes to my church and were headed there when they were hit by a drunk driver on New Year's Day.  This family was doing exactly what they should have been doing by starting the new year in God's house, praising him.  I actually drove through this intersection today while running errands and I saw the lines painted in the road marking the impact.  I had a discussion with Brent about this drunk driver.  I explained that he's in his 20's and to be drunk on a Sunday morning around 10:20, I'm going to guess he does not have a family or kids of his own.  There is no way he can comprehend what he has done to this family.  I'm sure there is grief and regret but to truly know the impact, I believe you have to be a parent.  Long ago, before Brent and I even had children, I expressed my desire to have a boy AND a girl.  I wanted to experience life with both.  I used to joke after having Asher, "Well, if the next one is a boy, then we'll be having a 3rd....well, if the 3rd is a boy, then we'll be having a 4th."  I'm not sure how many we would have had maybe as many as the Duggars (or how many we still will) but I love children and I love being a mom.  I can't say this is the situation with the Longstreet family but to have 3 boys and then Emma, I can bet they were thrilled to welcome a baby girl.  Not only was the Longstreet's family changed forever but their extended family, their friends, Midway Elementary, Northside Baptist, and even the drunk driver's family.  All of this was caused by the choice to get behind the wheel after consuming too much alcohol.  At a Christmas party, I was talking to a highway patrolman who was saying that I would not believe the number of drivers driving under the influence.  My response to this was, "Oh my goodness, those are only the ones who happen to be pulled over!"  Imagine those who are never caught.  I have no particular reason to bring attention to this tragedy other than to encourage prayer for all of those whose lives have been changed, possibly cause someone to think about the consequences of driving drunk, and encourage a relationship with the Father.  I am so thankful that the Longstreet family knows where Emma is and knows that they will meet again.

Another story that has moved me recently is that of Ben Breedlove and his sister's speech at his funeral.  I know, I know, enough with the sad stuff already but then that's life.  Ben got a glimpse of Heaven and he could not explain the peace that he felt there.  Our life on earth is filled with sadness and I've mentioned before that our preacher has said, "If you aren't in your storm now, one day you will be..."  I daily, and sometimes multiple times daily THANK GOD that all is well in my life.  Of my closest family members and friends, none are currently suffering or fighting a life threatening illness.  I am so blessed right now, but I know this is my earthly life and unfortunately it brings heartache and loss at times.  I know that there is a life after this one.  One of my favorite shows is I Survived: Beyond and Back on the Bio Channel.  We will see Brent's mom, and Asher and Sloan's Mimi, my dad's parents, all of Brent's grandparents, and so many other's who have accepted Christ and gone on before us.  I am comforted to know that when my Storm does come...and it will, that I will not go through it alone.  It will not be easy.  I will need prayers.  But who better to have with me than the God with supernatural powers that can bring supernatural healing.  I pray this for the Longstreet and Breedlove families. 

The Storm, Casting Crowns

  

It's that time! Has it really been 3 years?

Oh my little man...  Wow, didn't think I'd get so emotional, but thinking of my baby boy and what he means to me burns my eyes.  3 years ago today, I was in labor.  I was 36 weeks and 6 days.  I drove to the hospital after teaching a full day of kindergarten and had Brent drive from Sumter to meet me there.  I called the assistant principal in tears while alone and pacing the hospital room.  I told her that they weren't going to let me leave and that they wanted to proceed with induction due to leaking amniotic fluid.  I wasn't due until January 8th and I had planned to do so many things in those last few weeks.  We did not have bags packed, we had planned to purchase our travel system over Christmas break, which was to start the following day.  It was a Thursday and I had been looking forward to the class party on Friday and I felt I was letting my kids down.  Plus, I'm a planner and this wasn't part of my plan, but I put it in God's hands, and Brent coached me through a natural childbirth.  Our sweet Asher was born at 1:30 am, Friday, December 19 weighing 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 19 in.



The Miracle of Life

Sleepy but so in love...

Our first family picture

I remember that first night of sleep.  Such an amazing feeling.  So in love with my new baby boy.  I slept in the hospital bed with Asher in his bassinet right beside me and Brent on the couch on the other side of the bassinet.  Any little noise Asher would make would stir us and our hands would often meet as we both just had to put them on our little miracle while he slept.  It was surreal thinking that our love and marriage created this beautiful life. 

I was in love.

And I still am.

I'm treasuring the last hours of being able to say that I have a 2 year old.  When he wakes in the morning, he'll be 3, and I'll be in denial.  The love you have for a child is so amazing.  Oh my has he been able to push my buttons recently.  He really wants nothing to do with me.  He's all about his daddy.  He gets me every day and much of that time is distracted time while I'm doing other chores or caring for Sloan.  He gets daddy for an hour every evening, on Fridays and the weekends.  Daddy time=play time.  I'm Ok with this.  Because I get to stay at home, he doesn't think my time with him is as valuable, but I also know that Brent is an AMAZING daddy.  My children are so blessed and I don't blame Asher for loving him the way that he does.  One can't help but making the correlation between the unconditional love we have for our children to the love of the Father.  God loves us even when we push his buttons and want nothing to do with Him.  I thank God daily for Asher's health, sense of humor, pride, strong will, shocking intelligence, and sweet, sensitive heart.  God has big plans for our little 2 year old.  I'm so glad I was chosen as this precious boy's "mom."  Happy Birthday to my "little man" and Brent's "best buddy."  We are so blessed to have you, and it's hard to remember a time before you, but one thing is for sure, you make our day's brighter, our arms fuller, and our hearts overflow.         





A little video...

So, I'm thinking this little lady is going to be an athlete like her daddy. I feel like she's been scooting forever. This video is even several weeks old so she's much faster now. 

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"Umm...I'm going to give her coffee."  Glorious!  He's done this several times, I just always seemed to miss getting it on video.  So glad I captured this one.  If you're my friend on fb, you've already seen this.  I, personally, could watch it over and over.  Sweet girl, she's such a trooper.  : )  Oh, notice how he takes the time to scrape the cup clean.  Love my kiddos.



I have a minute!

     Look at me!  I'm back!  It's 10:30 and I should be doing other productive things but Brent is in the backyard with friends watching football around the fire pit and the kids are asleep.  So, we just got back from a mountain vacation with my parents to Sapphire Valley and it was AMAZING!  I ate so many sweets.  I truly acted as if my entire mission for the trip was to find pastries.  I always complain that there's no small bakery in Lexington or even Columbia that I can visit.  Yes, we have cupcake shops and Krispy Kreme and oh yes, I am a fan but I'm looking for a non-chain bakery that smells of yeast and sugar when you open the door.  Ones that sell bow ties and bear claws and apple fritters.  There's Tiffany's over on Two Notch but if you know of others, please share.  Wow, I seriously sound like I have a problem and I do have a small one.
     Anyway, I would love to share pictures but they have yet to be loaded to my laptop and I really don't want to take the time to do it now.  My laptop is basically out of space so I now have to work through my external hard drive and it's just not too fun.  So, I decided to open a recent folder and share a few from it.  I immediately found myself smiling and loving these next few pictures.  They were taken in September while we were at Fripp Island.  They are so genuine.  A true moment captured through the lens.  It's one of my favorite times; Mornings that Brent is off from work, first thing, but hopefully not too early.  Usually, Brent goes to get Asher.  Seriously, you should hear the disappointment from him when it's me.  I go and get Sloan.  We then meet back up in bed to cuddle and chat.  

Test Shot

(No flash looks best but often leads to blurred shots.  If you know how I can change this, please share.)

Attempt #1: Ha!

Attempt #2:  HAHAHAHAHA!

Attempt #3:  Well, not frame worthy but I SO love it. 

     Yep, that's my family.  My little family of 4.  I am often amazed at the love that I'm capable of feeling for these guys.  I'll admit, the first 2, maybe even 3 months of Sloan's life I wanted to fast forward.  I was having emotional issues, Sloan had colic, I was sure I would never leave the house again, Brent went out of town for 2 weeks, and my perfect Asher schedule had been rocked.  Well, Sloan just turned 6 months, Asher is almost 3 and they could not be more fun. 

     Asher tells the best stories that always begin with, "One day...," he's so, so smart, he has the best sense of humor, and he says the best blessings.  One night after dinner at the mountains, a man stopped me as we were walking out of a restaurant and said, "So, is the whole family a Gamecock fan or just the little guy?"  Ha!  He had heard Asher thank God for the Gamecocks in his blessing.  Well, the man ended up being from Chapin so we all had a good laugh.  Asher's blessings are different every time.  You never know what he's thankful for: The light, a lamp, a fan, obviously whoever is sitting around the table and he names each one, food, the day.  Just to name a few.

     Sloan is basically pulling up and pretty much crawling anywhere she wants to go.  She has a bow or ClippityCUTE (these are made by a dear friend of mine) in her hair ALL THE TIME.  Yes, they're precious but the sweet girl needs them to keep the hair out of her face!  She's got her 2 bottom teeth, lets you know what she wants, thinks her brother is her personal jester, and has a smile that will make you melt. 

     This afternoon, I took a blanket out in the front yard and sat with Sloan while Asher rolled through the grass, rode his tricycle, pretended to mow, and just showed me how fast he could run.  Tears come to my eyes when I think of how special these guys are to me.  I know I mentioned "blessed" in my last post.  Well, it is so true.  Now, I wish I could just put time in Slow Motion.

Wowzers!

     Ok, it has been MONTHS since I've made time to sit and do anything with the blog.  You guys have been neglected but it's all good.  I'm back.  Maybe not for long but this is a start.  Obviously, we are now a family of 4 and I could not love my kids more.  As you can see, they're pretty fond of each other as well.   

     Today, Asher even pretty much suggested that I have another baby sister for him.  Well, don't know about that, but love that he even liked the idea.  He also told me that when he gets older he's going to have a baby in his belly.  Well, I explained that his wife would have the baby in her belly and that he would be the daddy.  He then just restated that he would have a baby in his belly when he grew up so I moved on to the next conversation.  He has been the best big brother.  When she was younger, he would jump at the opportunity to lay out my supplies for a diaper change.  He now jumps to be the one to make her laugh when she's beginning to get upset. 

     My little guy will be 3 in December and Sloan will be 6 months on Monday.  They fill my days.  Period.  I would love to be a stay at home mom forever.  I'm not sure Brent agrees but I would love to pick them up from school every day if I could.  I mean, at what point will your children not need you?  I'm 31 and I certainly don't know what I'd do without my mom.  I thank God for her often.  Well, I don't have long.  Just wanted to do a little updating.  We're happy.  We're healthy.  We're busy.  We're Blessed.

 

Today, I am thousands of miles away from the love of my life, but the realization of her role in my world could not be clearer.  She is among so many things, the mother of my children, and today, I want her to know what that means to me.

When we chose to bring our children into this world, we became parents.  For better or for worse, we were it.  They were “stuck” with us. From the moment their little hearts began to push life through their bodies, they depended on us.  They depended on their mother.  For nine months, during their development, Mom sacrificed a comfortable life for aches, pains, heartburn, physical alteration, mental and emotional strain, and a limited diet.  Day after day providing life to our children; first from inside their fluid home, and into the countless feeding required for another 9 plus months of life.  I have to pause just to let this sink in a little.  My son and daughter, I would do anything for, but never have I HAD to do anything for them to sustain their lives.  My wife, their mother, is solely responsible for keeping them alive for 18 months straight.  Protecting them, feeding them, keeping them warm and giving them the love only a mother can give to nourish the heart and soul of a child.  I try to imaging the satisfaction that it caries but I cannot get past the colossal weight of responsibility that overshadows everything else.  I know she loves it, and is happy to do it, but it takes God given strength on so many levels to be a mother.

Now that we have two children, our world has changed.  Kristen continues to sacrifice day in and day out as I am at work.  She has very little time if any for herself as her daily and weekly list never seems to end.  Every moment of her life from the time she wakes to the time I get home (late) she is giving to our children.  I try to help when I get home and am able to do what I can, but She is still on as Mom.  I know as Sloan gets older she will grant some more time to Kristen for non-mom roles, but right now, Kristen is on duty 24-7.  I know this post could apply to most, well, a lot of moms, but there is more than just fulfilling the duties of mom I recognize in Kristen.  It is her willingness to be the mom she is, even when I cannot be the dad that I need to be. 

I know my wife loves me, and my children adore me, (Sloan has smiled at me a coupe of times) but I often do not make life easier for Kristen, and I realize this.  I work an hour from home so I leave most mornings before my family awakes at 6:45ish.  I own a business and am a working member who has many roles throughout the day.  I hold the integrity of my company very high so my days are very busy as I am very happily involved in day-to-day operations.  Phone calls and texts are sparse throughout the day and it is not often if ever I leave the office before 6:45 or 7:00 putting me home at 8:00 at night.  By this time Asher is either ready for bed, or ready for a bath to get ready for the night.  That means Kristen is without me for 13-14 hours a day.  I do get Fridays off which is very nice, but 14 hours is a long day to be a mom without help. (Not including the time I work from home on “days off”)

Along with my passion for my work, I try to stay healthy and fit.  This takes time.  More time away from my family and wife.  I am usually out of gas after work, so the weekend tends to be the times I squeeze in activity.

And then there my nature, my desire, my propensity to get involved with things that ultimately take me away from my family.  Some fall into the category of fitness such as the Mud Run, 5k’s, Adventure races, volleyball tournaments, mountain biking.  Some fall into the category of work like weekend presentations, conferences, half week and week long trainings, after hour meetings, events, sponsorships, etc.  Some are just plain amazing like my trip to Utah to play one on one volleyball in the desert, the 2 weeks at the inaugural Warrior games last year, my visits to Florida, training camps in San Diego, and now another 2 weeks at the Warrior Games this year.

Combine all of this with my nature to “do” and be active and what you get is a man who is not always the best help at home.  With a small glimpse into my world, it becomes very clear how much the mother of my children sacrifice for me. 

I do recognize that much of what I do has a positive impact on my family and wife.  I want financial security, a long healthy life, and world experience for them and that does not come without some sacrifice.  But the point of my rambling today is to give credit where it is due.  Kristen, my wife, in all of her selflessness gives me the ability to be the man I am.  She provides for our family what I do not, cannot, or have not to ensure that we are a family, and an amazing one at that.  She allows me the opportunity to do these things, sometimes against her will, and for that, and for so many other reasons, my wife is an amazing mother, and an amazing wife. 

So today, as I am thousands of miles away from my family, I want Kristen to know, I want everyone who reads my words to know, I am thankful for the mother she is, the wife she has become, and the family that she has created.  I Love the mother of my children and thank God for her.

I am sorry this mother’s day will not be what she would wish for it to be and that I can not be with her face to face, but she has not left my side from the day I met her.

Happy Mother’s Day My Love.